Have you ever been in an interesting relationship where you feel like God created this person specifically for you. They say every relationship is not perfect but this relationship is different from all the rest. It’s unique. It’s a relationships where one moment nothing in this world can separate what you guys have. In Kenya we say tight “kaa kifuniko ya gas.” them the next minute you have no idea where you guys stand.
In my story lets call this guy karis
I loved this guy more than life itself we dated like 9 months which was a storm as well a wild roller coaster. We would be wild one moment and the next spend months not hearing from each other. But he was the one guy I found extremely difficult to leave. He was my life
Or maybe we term it as i loved him to the moon and back together with the stars and the whole ducking galaxy. But this guy messed my life in ways i couldn’t imagine. In short by the time we were done i questioned my worth, my self-esteem was under the ground. I hated myself for feeling this way. Doubt crept in like a thief at night. I started relying on others to provide me with my worth. I looked in the mirror one day and I couldn’t recognize who I was. I had to relearn myself which I still do. Cause he totally did cause a damage.
The worst part is he was not physical he took me through emotional facade and a maze that only him knew how to solve. It was dangerous game that i lost 7-0 too.
Trauma bond is the one attachments that develops out of repeated cycle of abuse, devaluation and positive reinforcement. It creates powerful feelings you struggle to make sense of the said feelings. This is made to happen because this abuse alternates with kindness and intimacy. Like I said one minute you own the world the next you have no idea why you feel like you are loosing it.
One moment he would do me so dirty by dirty i mean he would lie, cheat gaslighting every emotion i felt. The next minute he would treat me like a queen take me out, give me money have a terrific sex. Then he alternate to the point he would go months without communicate and darlings would you believe that I’d wait till he was ready to talk to me. This is despite knowing clearly I did nothing wrong to him.
A good example is that of a trophy wife. Where you are there for your husband satisfaction and as a woman you can’t complain because he has made you the center of his life, he provides and protects and shows you off to his friends. So in other regards you are the lucky one. Cause. Many women would only dream to have their men treat yhem at least half of what you are getting yourself. But the truth of the matter is that this man is going this all for himself and his ego. He doesn’t care about your needs you just have to look appealing to that man so he can e can show off of how a terrific husband and father he is. And you have to maintain that look fuck child birth and it’s effect on your body.
Types of trauma bonds related closely to how we attach ourselves relationships-wise. There are 4 types of attachment which is a great topic on its own. The secure attachment (safe one) the anxious one filled with doubts and seconds guessing wondering why the chose you. Why aren’t they replying your text. The avoidant one, where the thought of intimacy and vulnerability scares the hell out of you. Which apparently i posses. Then the last is the disorganized one. This relationship can’t be described its one in which organization is not has never been will never be part of the relationship.
The avoidant, anxious and disorganized ones are the ones we call insecure attachment which majority of us posses of we really look deeply into our lives and relationships. Its not always about shedding away the fake friendship sometimes its our attachment styles.
The trauma bond arises from childhood from an abusive caregiver. A kidnapper to the hostages. Or relationship like mine. Oh I really needed therapy anyway you’ll find its effects to very costing. In 2023, a lot have relationship goals but mind your steps and tread carefully not to fall in the pit and end up trapped in the trauma bonds that could a heavy blow to your life in the short term and the long term.
(Eva W) – Author
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